Early this morning, Llamaface got a call from his boss.  “We want you at the district office at 1:30,” he said.  “What would you do if I got fired?” Llama asked me after hanging up.  Immediate panic washed over me.  “Don’t even say that out loud,” I snapped, but the damage was done.  Anxiety had me by the balls all morning, despite frequent, silent prayers for peace & calm.  Well, Llama had the meeting and now anxiety and fear have been replaced by indignation & righteous anger.  For they did not fire my husband, they offered him a management position.

For a whopping $25,000/yr.

Before taxes.

“But you have the opportunity to make bonuses!” they exclaimed when Llama showed his incredulity.  You see, when he managed a store in Springfield, a store with lower sales numbers than the one they were trying to foist on him today, he made $34,000.  Still peanuts, but a bit less insulting.  Problem is, bonuses are capped at $300/month, so even maxing out his bonuses would only net him $28.6K/yr.  And again, that’s before taxes.

Let’s do some math, shall we?  28,600/12=2383.33 per month.  After insurance & taxes, he takes home about 57% of what he makes.  That’s a whopping $1358.50 per month.  Yes, that’s more than he makes now, but is it proportionately more?  Let’s see.  Right now, he works 40 hours per week and his take-home pay is about $1200/month.  To manage a store, he’d have to put in 55 hours per week and would only get one day off.  1200/160=7.5.  7.5*15=112.5.  So at his current rate, for an extra 15 hours (because he’s exempt from overtime), he’d bring home $1312.5, slightly less than he would as a manager.  Not worth it.  Not worth the extra 15 hours on his feet, away from his family.  Not to mention his pre-tax income would be juuuuuuuuuuust high enough that we’d be cut off from any aid we’re receiving (family of 4 cutoff is $2,238), so we’d wind up with less than we have now.

So, basically, fuck you Radio Shack.  Take your “generous offer” and fuck yourself with it.  I hate that fucking company with a burning, fiery hate.

We have a community garden plot. We don’t get to go out to it as often as I’d like, since getting there on the bus is a huge pain in the ass & Llamaface takes the car to work most days, but here’s the progression so far

find the plot. The grass is taller than my toddler.

Nice neighbor donates his spare plot to us, after seeing me try to hack down the grass in the other plot. He also brings a few wheelbarrows full of soil, which Boogermonkey quickly claims as his own.

Start turning the plot over, armed with nothing more than a shovel, while Gurglebutt is strapped to my chest in a sling

Promise sexual favors to husband in exchange for his muscle power, because otherwise it will be August before it all gets done.

Get stuff planted! Bell pepper, eggplant, garlic, cauliflower, & broccoli starts, lettuce & bush beans from seeds.

I hope to get out there again tomorrow. I have squash & zucchini & cucumber & some more beans & peas to get in the ground. It’s been about a week since we’ve been out there, and I’m sure the weeds have taken over.

someone close to our apartment has de-securitized their internets!  YAYZ!  pictures are trapped on my camera (where the fuck does that cord keep going off to?), but we’ve been having fun here in Portland.  Tuesdays are playgroup days with the local API group, Fridays are storytime days at the downtown library, where the librarian blows bubbles & sings songs that Boogermonkey loves.  Llamamama takes Booger on her days off & hangs out with him for a few hours, giving me a chance to breathe & spend time one-on-one with Gurglebutt.

Today Llama had off, so after running a few errands, we went to the Rose Festival.  I thought it would be more of a “celebration of all things Portland” and less a generic fair/carnival, but oh well.  Booger rode his first carnival rides & we saw these really awesome Irish step dancers.  We were too tired by the end of things to go on the pirate ship, but we might go back tomorrow afternoon if it’s sunny, since the ticket-takers weren’t in their booth when we showed up so I still have the admission tickets in my pocket.

When Llamaface’s stepdad died a few weeks ago, it gave us the kick in the ass we needed to get our insurance policies in order & start making a will.  Because Llama is a perpetual cheapskate, he shopped around for insurance.  Not only were we missing out on a number of discounts that our agent never told us about, there had been a claim made against us that he never told us about!  Two hours on the phone with various representatives later and the claim was closed, but we still switched.  Car+renter’s+life for both of us=what we were paying for only car & renter’s with the old company.  Anyone in OR need a good agent, just ask.  U of O alumnae get 5% off car & 10% off life.

Mother’s Day was awesome.  International Rose Test Garden, brunch at Old Wive’s Tales, 3 hours at the playground by the Rose Garden, a skein of poppy-colored sea silk from Knit/Purl, Goodwill for new pants (didn’t find anything, sad face), and dinner at Salvador Molly’s in Hillsdale.

Portland folk should visit.  The complex’s pool will be open at the end of this month.

Internet is super spotty.  Check the twitter (in the blog sidebar) if I don’t post that often & you’re missing me.  Or you could, you know, call me.

• Addie’s right, I haven’t posted enough lately.
• We’re moved in.  We live in Beaverton now.  Anyone wanting the address, e-mail me.  jen{at}gonzopants{dot}com.
• Furniture has been procured.  We have a new couch.  Sayonara, ugly couch!  Hola, new pretty couch!  We also have an area rug and a coffee table.  I feel all grown up now.  I’ll do a photo tour once all the boxes are unpacked & random shit is put away.  Housewarming party will happen likely in June.
• Llamaface will be working at the R$ in the Tanasbourne Village Shopping Center, if anyone local needs cell phone stuff, electronic equipment, or just wants to say hello to my sexay husband.
• Sexay husband is, per my request, growing out his facial hair.  mmmmmmmmm.
• I’m using internet at the clubhouse of the complex, stealing time while Llamaface hangs with the boys.  Free wifi, woot!
• Library has been visited, as has Trader Joe’s.  Farmer’s market is next weekend, and I think I’m getting my sewing machine serviced today.
• Inheritance money came through on Friday from Llama’s late stepdad.  Not a moment too soon, since we got the brakes redone yesterday.  Original brakes, calipers, etc.  After 123,000 miles.  Repair cost: nearly $600.  I thought we’d have to borrow the money from Nana, but now that’s not necessary.
• The neighbor children are unruly at best and there’s profane graffiti all over the park equipment.  They also play in the man-made creek right behind our apartment, with no adults in sight.  Our downstairs neighbor had to pull a 2-year-old out of the pond last year.  My children will not be playing in the pond, kthnxbai.
• Need to find a mom’s group to hang out with, need to find a doctor for the boys.  Need to find out where & when the closest stitch & bitch is held.  Need to turn in money for the community garden & start weeding our plot.   Farmer’s market next weekend & I’ll get starts for a bunch of veggies & definitely some strawberries, too.  I know NOTHING about gardening, other than “water it,” so any help, especially good gardening blogs (bonus: PNW gardening blogs) you want to send my way would be helpful.